After a number of marathon classes in Room 101 of the Ministry of Trump, the Republican member of Congress was starting to see the strategic necessity of destroying NATO so as to add Greenland to the US. It nonetheless got here solely in flashes. The Republican was strapped to a camp mattress surrounded with dials, attempting rapidly to get his thoughts proper in order that he may return on the market and do media and reply the questions on Greenland appropriately. He was perspiring closely, as was his interrogator, O’Brien.
“Has anybody proven him a non-Mercator projection?” the congressman requested. He blinked his eyes towards the brilliant gentle.
O’Brien sighed. “We’ve been over this,” he stated. “You’ve gotten forgotten: There are critical causes for wanting Greenland apart from how giant it appears on the map. Do you bear in mind what they’re?”
The congressman’s head was throbbing; he noticed, or thought he noticed, dozens of small Greenlands waving at and taunting him on the wall, on the ceiling, each time he turned his head. “No,” he stated. He waited for the ache to start once more. (This course of was voluntary; he thought it could be simpler than defying Donald Trump publicly.)
“As a result of,” O’Brien stated, with exaggerated endurance. “As a result of ‘the US alone can defend this big mass of land, this big piece of ice.’ His very phrases this morning. Do you bear in mind now?”
“However,” the Congress member stated.
“Suppose!” O’Brien urged.
“We have already got all the entry to Greenland that we would strategically want,” the Congress member stated. “And sustaining our alliances is extra helpful for safeguarding peace than being able to deploy troops to this rock—”
“Piece of ice,” O’Brien corrected sternly. “You’re not considering clearly.”
The member sighed. “I’m not seeing it. I’ve misplaced it.”
O’Brien frowned. “Suppose!” He turned the dial.
The Congress member winced. “NATO,” he muttered. “NATO.”
“Have a look at the map,” O’Brien stated. “Look how huge it’s. It should be vital, extra vital than NATO. What’s NATO? Only a sequence of letters—letters that would simply be rearranged to spell OATN, NAOT, TOAN. Meaningless. Simply gibberish.”
The member whimpered. “Greenland,” he stated. “Nationwide curiosity. ‘Golden Dome.’”
“Good,” O’Brien stated. He lowered the ache dial again to zero and poured himself a glass of ice water. “I like ice.”
“I, too, love ice,” the member stated, weakly.
“Excellent,” O’Brien stated. “Very, excellent.” He took one other sip and opened Reality Social to see how the president’s journey to Davos was going. “Oh expensive,” he stated, gravely.
“What?” the congressman requested. “What, what, what’s it?”
“Iceland,” O’Brien sighed, eradicating his spectacles. He performed a clip of the president’s speech, fast-forwarding to Trump’s dialogue of NATO. “Till the previous few days, after I instructed them about Iceland, they beloved me,” Trump was saying. “They referred to as me ‘Daddy.’”
“Iceland?” the member stated. “No, it’s Greenland.”
O’Brien fast-forwarded. “They’re not there for us on Iceland, I can inform you,” Trump continued. “I imply, our inventory market took the primary dip yesterday due to Iceland. So Iceland’s already value us some huge cash.’”
“No,” the Republican stated. “He means Greenland.”
O’Brien frowned and tented his fingers. “A mistake? To want to purchase Gullfoss Falls? Scorching springs? The Prose Edda? You actually suppose he misspoke? Our president?”
“The Prose Edda is beautiful,” the Republican stated feebly. “Donald Trump is smart.”
“I ought to say so,” O’Brien stated. “For a second there, I suspected you of the thoughtcrime of believing that Donald J. Trump, the president of the US, can be keen to torch the nation’s credibility, set hearth to its alliances, and tank the complete financial system to accumulate some territory within the North Atlantic whose identify he couldn’t even bear in mind.”
The member of Congress sighed. “No,” he stated. “No, you’re proper. We’d higher do Iceland too. In case.” He shut his eyes.
“Iceland,” O’Brien stated. “It might require sacrifices, simply as Greenland will. Tariffs. Boots on the bottom. We should be keen to pay the value. It should be our territory.”
“I wish to perceive,” the congressman stated. “I’m attempting to know it.”
O’Brien glanced at Reality Social once more. “Oh,” he stated. “By no means thoughts. It was Greenland. And the tariffs are off. We don’t want the territory. Only a ‘framework of a future deal.’”
Quietly, the Republican started to sob. “I don’t know what number of extra issues I can consider within the house of three hours.”
“You realize,” O’Brien stated, “you at all times have the choice of strolling out of right here and standing as much as him. Of claiming, ‘You might be doing irreparable harm, and none of this makes any sense.’ It solely requires a bit of little bit of braveness.”
The member lay again down on the cot and strapped himself in tighter. “No,” he stated. “I’m good.”
