Usually talking, the athlete tales that come out of the Olympic Video games are concerning the numerous hours spent on the ice, on the slopes, and on the fitness center; the multitude of private sacrifices made and the help programs that made all of it potential; the coaching routines and vitamin regimens they’ve adhered to with infinite self-discipline; and the way all of that comes down to those particular moments.
However the tales popping out of the 2026 Milan Cortina Olympics to date are…bizarre. Unhinged, even. There’s a chaotic vitality that feels completely different from earlier years. Certain, there are all the time humorous viral moments, however when was the final time there was teammate-on-teammate bank card fraud, accusations of dick doping, or public admissions of adultery within the first few days?
We now have to ask: What the hell is occurring in Milan? Is there one thing (in addition to norovirus) within the water? Are the Video games merely being influenced by Italy’s commedia dell’arte, and this crop of athletes are the bombastic exaggerations of our most human follies?
One factor we all know for positive is that at these Video games, the sports activities have turn out to be the sideshow and the tales of bizarre human conduct are the principle attraction.
Don’t consider me? Right here’s a fast rundown of all the unbelievable, surprising, and gross issues which have occurred on the Winter Video games to date (and we’ll preserve updating this checklist because the Olympics go on):
1) Norway’s Sturla Holm Lægreid received bronze and admitted to dishonest — not the sports activities sort.
Lægreid, a biathlete (to not be confused with a bisexual athlete), received the bronze medal within the 20 km biathlon and used his post-win interview to confess that he cheated on his girlfriend. “Six months in the past I met the love of my life. The world’s most lovely, sweetest particular person,” Lægreid stated, crying. “Three months in the past I made the most important mistake of my life and cheated on her.”
The lady Lægreid burned has since responded to his bronze medal breakdown; she advised the Norwegian tabloid VG that Lægreid was out of luck. “I didn’t select to be put on this place, and it hurts to should be in it,” she stated. “We now have had contact, and he’s conscious of my opinions on this.”
Whereas Lægreid could also be a brand new identify to informal biathlon followers, the athlete has a popularity within the sport for erratic conduct. In 2023, he was banned from the Biathlon World Cup after firing a rifle in his resort room, a violation of the game’s security laws.
2) French biathlete Julia Simon medaled…three months after being convicted of stealing her teammate’s bank card.
On Wednesday, Simon received her second gold of the Video games within the girls’s 15 km biathlon. Two medals is clearly a exceptional achievement. However what makes Simon’s win extra notable is that in October, a French courtroom convicted her for theft and bank card fraud and she or he was promptly handed a six-month ban from the game…however the French Ski Federation suspended most of her ban to permit her to compete on the Olympics, the AP reported.
Simon stole teammate Justine Braisaz-Bouchet’s financial institution card and charged greater than $2,300 in on-line purchases, in accordance with the Related Press. Throughout her trial, she stated, “I can’t clarify it. I don’t keep in mind doing it. I can’t make sense of it.” In the meantime, Braisaz-Bouchet completed in eightieth place.
3) Some ski jumpers allegedly pumped their penises to cheat — the sports activities type of dishonest.
There’s a smirky little rumor going round that some male ski jumpers injected their penises with hyaluronic acid in hopes that they’ll have longer jumps.
The scientific rationalization is that large ski fits are extra aerodynamically advantageous as a result of they perform like sails. Athletes are measured for fits based mostly on a 3D scan of their physique. Theoretically, a much bigger penis throughout this scan might create a dimension discrepancy on stated scan, and permit the jumper to slip right into a barely larger swimsuit for the competitors, resulting in the sail impact.
Based on a research revealed within the scientific sports activities journal Frontiers, “swimsuit dimension vastly influenced aerodynamic efficiency, with drag growing by 4 p.c and carry by p.c for each 2 cm enhance.” No skiers have been busted but, however apparently the World Anti-Doping Company is on alert.
4) The Olympic determine skater who needed to skate like a Minion lastly received his authorized battle.
Spanish skater Tomas-Llorenc Guarino Sabate was very near not having the ability to carry out his Minions-themed (sure, the yellow animated characters from the Despicable Me franchise) quick program for the world to see.
In 2014, the Worldwide Skating Union (determine skating’s governing physique) loosened its guidelines and allowed skaters to make use of songs with lyrics of their applications. Whereas it’s made routines extra enjoyable, it’s additionally turn out to be a headache in the case of licensing, permission, and navigating copyright
Guarino Sabate’s program was one such headache. The Spanish star stated he had submitted his music and had it cleared by the right authorities, however when he bought to Milan, Guarino came upon that the Minions remix he had been utilizing all season was truly prohibited, resulting in an worldwide outcry. The individuals needed to see the person skate like a Minion! After a back-and-forth and pleas to NBCUniversal (the dad or mum firm to each the Minions and NBC, the Olympics broadcaster within the US) Guarino Sabate was finally given the okay. He positioned twenty fifth within the quick program out of 29 skaters.
5) Determine skaters danced to an AI music observe.
Music rights have been additionally an issue for Czech ice dancers Kateřina Mrázková and Daniel Mrázek. For the Nineties-themed program, they tried to skate to an AI-generated combine that ripped lyrics from The New Radicals’ 1998 hit “You Solely Get What You Give” and pasted them onto a generic Nineties-sounding rock observe. They needed to change, and selected a distinct AI-generated track that had new lyrics. The pair positioned seventeenth out of 23 groups.
6) Hockey’s largest rivalry may be the athletes in opposition to the dreaded norovirus.
One of many extra disconcerting tales popping out of Milan is that Finland’s girls’s hockey crew is coping with a norovirus outbreak. Anybody who has ever skilled the physique horror that’s norovirus is aware of simply how depressing it’s and the way simply it spreads — which is why officers modified the match schedule and positioned the contaminated in quarantine. However which may not be sufficient, as a Swiss participant examined optimistic for the bug on Friday, February 6.
7) Breaking: this yr’s gold medals.
American skier Breezy Johnson and determine skater Alyssa Liu have already received gold medals on the Video games, they usually’ve already damaged them. “So there’s the medal. And there’s the ribbon,” Johnson advised reporters at her post-win press convention on Sunday, noting that hers got here off whereas she was leaping and celebrating her victory. “And right here’s the little piece that’s supposed to enter the ribbon to carry the medal, and yeah, it got here aside.”
Liu, who received gold within the crew determine skating occasion (though she was delayed in arriving due to a JD Vance motorcade), posted on TikTok that hers broke too (like Johnson’s, the ribbon snapped off the medal). USA At present experiences that the damaged medal rely is now at six, together with Johnson and Liu. Olympic organizers advised reporters that they’re monitoring the state of affairs, however for now it’s most likely not one of the best thought to, as Johnson famous, leap in them.
As you’ll be able to see, it’s lots! However maybe the factor we must always all keep in mind is that world-class athletes are, at their core, individuals first. And if there’s something that 2026 has proven us, it’s that we’re residing in odd occasions and other people (and establishments!) don’t actually know find out how to cope, or to behave in public. Nothing is immune from that, and the Olympics are not any exception.
